Milk

2011-05-27T18:28:00.002+08:00

You are my friend for so long already, you should fucking know what i hate the most is people last minute put me aeroplane. I'm so disappointed, i can tolerated to wait for you for hours, but not telling me to give you 2 hrs, in the end you tell me you dont wanna go already. Although i replied your text as if i dont mind or as if i dont care but actually i'm disappointed, you just offically spoil my day, TYVM.

2011-05-12T05:20:00.003+08:00

It has been some time ever since i lost my wallet, i haven't made a replacement for my IC. Omfg, but i'm like broke now, cant fork out $100 to replace it plus i dont want my mum to know about it, she has more things to worry already, hais hais x_x

GG, today so many daiji. Evening sam-ing that time got problem with Guildless people. Wtf, they are fcking childish. A little bit a little bit whine like a little bitch. Call level 200 Aran come ks us, kp us. NOOBS. At night, this female Nightlord 19x, say want to aim me already, cause i keep down ah ma and sam, she's talking like all the SAM and AHMA is hers. Wtf has this world become man, gamers should take care of each other, not kpkb and act like a small kid. Shame on you guys.

5.25am now, yawnssssss! Alright! off to beddy! (:

2011-05-09T04:32:00.006+08:00

It's been almost a year since i last blogged. Well, so many things happened for this past 1 year. Dad unexpectly passed away in an accident on 26th December 2010. Till now, from time to time, i still think of my Dad and of course i do, i don't know what I'm talking. Ever since Dad's not around anymore, tho life still got to move on but it is getting harder for my mum and i. So much to pay, not enough to spend. Well, Dad had been the strong support for the family. Now my mum and i gotta support ourselves already. Speaking of dad, i haven't visit my dad for some time, should do it real soon, since i gotta enlist for NS soon too, will have less time to do things in the future.

Played back Maple about 2-3 weeks ago. Cant get myself to stop the addiction of playing MMORPG games man, LOL. It has been a childhood addiction ever since the start of my gaming life - 11 years old.

Last year, i was taking my O's. Well, 3 words to describe that - I have failed. I not only failed my parents but myself too. All the changes i want to make to my life when i was released from RTC was such a bullshyt, thinking about it now. I promised my family and myself so much, yet in the end in my 2nd year studying for O's and also the actual O levels i drifted from it. On the actual O's i took my English and Economics Paper i think, i forgotten already. For the other papers
like - Combined Science, A Math and E Math, i gave up and didn't went for the paper. Math was my favourite subject and i didn't even went for it. I hate myself for doing it, for not studying even when i had this precious chance, i didn't cherish it. Threw everything away like that, stupid me.

I REALLY DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY MY DAD. Pa, I'm really sorry, you paid so much for my school fees, pinning in all your hopes on me, hoping that i would finally make something out of my life, but i still failed you. I'm sorry dad, i really am. I ask for your forgiveness, although i cannot hear it from you anymore but i know you dote and love me the most, because I'm your only son, you forgive and forgave all the wrongdoings i had or have done.
Pa, so much i want to tell you. So many things i want to do with you. So many things we have not done, so many things you haven't see. You haven't attend my wedding, haven't carry your grandson or daughter yet. We haven't played bowling together for so long, we haven't really went to the movies together. I miss you dad. I cant help it but tears flow down uncontrollably. For my past 21 years of my life, i have done nothing good, i have made so many empty promises to you Dad, i made you cry so many times but i want to change that during and after my NS.
I WANT YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME because i know when you are still around, i have
NEVER done anything to make you proud of. I'm sorry, i really am. I know no matter how many SORRY(s) i say, nothing would change, you won't be able come back to us anymore. I really don't know why is god so unfair, to let such a good man, such a good father to leave this world. PA, I LOVE YOU. I have never in my 21 years told you that, i really do. SO MUCH TO SAY SO MUCH TO DO to and with you, pa.. pa.. I'm lost, in the past i still have you to back me up, clean up my mess, i have to do all of this now myself, i know i have to be strong, it's time to grow up.. but i wish you would be around. You are my true IDOL, i want to grow up and be like you. A everyone-respected man and a good father.

2010-06-15T16:45:00.002+08:00

I find that humans are realistic, true friends dont exist. It's always back to square one, back to only me. Maybe everyone hates me, i dont care. I think one day i will grow up thinking that being alone is all that matters more anything else. People forgot me, do i care? I do, but i dont say it out. Friends come and go, friends used to be the number one in my life, but no longer it is, no one bothers, so why should i? I really hate my life but what can i do? Life still gotta move on, no matter what happens. I see people always saying FML - but if they were compare to mine, their lives are way much better.
But sometimes i also do think that people got their own lives, but dont everyone have 1 or 2 friends that they always can hang out with? I'm jealous, why dont i have 1 or 2 such friends? Everytime when i'm bored, when i wanna find someone to talk to, when i wanna leave my DAMM HOUSE and find somewhere to have fun, i couldn't find anyone. Everyone's working or doing whatever they are doing. I'm rotting at home HOPING for god sake that someone would call me and ask me out. Once in awhile that happens and i'm always so happy.
Or is it because of my character that no one likes, but i dont understand, i dont find myself to the point that someone would hate me. I dont know.. As time goes by, if everyone starts to forget me, i think i will reach the point of not contacting anyone anymore, just be alone. No point, always make myself so sad that no one seems to remember me, why not just forget about everyone and just be alone.
So to the people out there, if you have at least 1 or 2 friend that you can always talk to and hang out with, stop fucking say FML because you dont understand how fucked someone else life could be, like mine.

2010-05-05T01:23:00.002+08:00

Today i woke up early, but i keep slowly take my time at home until i was late for my first lesson then i was thinking - Aiya, wtf.. Dont go for the first lesson sua, LOL. Took cab to school for my 2nd lesson - E Math. 1 hour and the school ended, LOL. Then shared cab with Yongjun to Tampines to look for Ah qi. Accompanied her at her shop, 5pm plus Pearlyn came and keep complaining that Ah qi 'cheated' her down saying that she was sad and needed accompany but in fact it was to dig Pearlyn out from all her school's project to come out with us. Closed shop at around 6pm plus, then 3 of us went over to Wen Rui's house to met up with him then made our way to one of the Bedok's k, i kept forgetting the name of it, Cash something =.= Pearlyn had really nice vocals, Ah qi didnt lie to me, THE NEXT SINGAPORE IDOL! :) So, we sang all the way till 10pm then grab something to eat at the opposite coffeeshop. Took cab to Tampines Safra, played 2 games of billiard with Wenrui and 2 games of pool with Ah qi and Wenrui. Was damm funny, i laughed until my jaws and cheeks became numb already.

I seriously had a lot of fun today, dont think i will have so much fun for quite some time. Pearlyn has lots of projects to do, i think the next meet up with her will be like after damm long, lol. Well, but i still appreciate all the fun and laughter they brought to me today, CHEERS TO THE 3 OF YOU! :)

MAROON, MARINE, LOLLOLLOLLOL, omg, joke of my day, LOL!

2010-05-03T23:45:00.004+08:00

Morning, it was so kind of Becca's father to longbang me to school. THANKS UNCLE :D
Then reached school and went for my first lesson - English
Once i went in the class the teacher was discussing about this community service project on this early June. Then E Math followed by the afternoon class A Math. Today during lunch break, Yongjun freaking pangseh me to go have lunch with his friend and because i dont wanna go have lunch today, i slept at the cafe's sofa all by myself, like wth. After school, actually i wanted to go watch IP MAN 2 myself, but contacted Ah qi and met up with her at the ICA building, she was renewing her passport there, then off to Tampines to fetch her little cousin, 3 of us went to watched Iron Man 2 in the end, at Tampines Mall. After movies, we went to the arcade, Ah qi's cousin - Zhen jie was playing some game at the arcade the needed cards to play, those animal fight animal game, LOL.. Wth, i dont know what the name of the game is. Time passes fast and it's already 9pm plus, went to have our dinner at Macdonalds' then home sweet home.
It feels good to hang out with old friends again, it's like having the 'last time' feeling again. The few years back when i was still a 15-16 year old kid feeling. Good to know that i still have a friend that i knew for years, i dont have many left. Some graduated from Secondary school when i was in RTC and moved on, some serving the NS and many more that got their own lives now. Well, i guess TRUE LASTING friends are hard to find.
TOMORROW IT'S A TUESDAY, omfg.. I freaking love Tuesday because i'm ending school at 1pm! Going to Ah qi's shop to accompany her tomorrow then around evening going for k with her and maybe Wenrui.
I really enjoyed today very much.
ALRIGHTY, off to bath then sleep. TOMORROW'S gonna be a better day! :)

2010-04-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

LOL, this blog has rot for 1 month plus.. Because i'm superrrrrrrrrrr lazyyyyyyy to update. Hmm, BUT i will try my best to update. Let's see how uh :D
Well, i can't believe i stayed home for straight 3 days already. This is so fucking sad, because i seemed to be alone now. Great, wtf i dont care. Friends only remember you when they got no where to go, no one to find, when you are the last freaking person then they contact you. Okayokay, maybe this don't apply to everyone of you. But this is happening to me, good. As time passes by i see through people's mask, this is how they treat friends who they once can say this and that, BROTHERS. Pui, i feel sick of this word now. I dont give a fuck being alone, i can be used to it like i once got used to it.
So, whoever thinks i'm just someone who you will think of when you got no choice becauses there's no one to find anymore, just fuck off.

2010-03-16T00:47:00.003+08:00

Morning, took cab to school with Becca and we were late by 10 minutes.
But, it's the freaking first time the cab fare so cheap - $12 plus
Usually the cheapest is at least $18 - $19, cheers for the driving skills of the taxi uncle :D
Reached school and went up class for my first major paper of the week - English.
Sigh sigh, i didn't study at all. At this pace i'm going, if i still continue to have this kind of attitude towards my studies, i can prepare to fail my O levels already.
BUCK UP! BUCK UP! I have to buck up already, seriously.
School ended at 3.15pm today, was raining and my feeling became moody again.
Actually i planned to go catch a movie alone today, but ended up playing mahjong at Angelina's house today with her cousin and Yongjun. I swear, Angelina's cousin is damm funny. Damm, i can't help but keep smiling and laughing, lol. A guy with a great sense of humour, reminds me of how my cousins and i used to get along like Angelina and her cousin.
Really was really fun, but that was the past already. Now all my cousins already grown up, 2 of my cousins is already married, with children of their own. The rest of them, got their own life now. Sigh, i really miss those days.. When i was like 12 and they were still in their early 20s, still teenagers, now all grown up, all those teenagers fun has long disappear from their mind completely.
Gonna go watch - BEING HUMAN with Angelina tomorrow.
Off to bed now, good night peeps :)

2010-03-15T02:42:00.005+08:00

Seems like a long time since i last post.
Days after untagging is like of not much difference seriously..
Still as bored, bored bored.
True friends are hard to come by, no one seemed to be real around me.
After so much of staying at home nowadays, gave me the feeling when i was a kid - LONELINESS.
I hated this feeling so much, but i have to get used to it, i have to i have to.
I'm feeling so emo right now, i cant bring myself to do anything.
Friends come friends leave, there's never a true long lasting friendship i ever had.
People wears mask and acts as if they were saint but deep in they are all just BULLSHIT.
Posting all my random thoughts now, aint making me feel any better.
Maybe i'm gonna go watch movie alone tomorrow like i used to.
Fuck this world, my life and everything.
Gonna go sleep now and shut down all my thoughts.

2010-02-26T00:32:00.002+08:00

OMG, i cannot not post todayyyyyyyyyyy! :D
Because,
MY TAGGING IS CONFIRMED AND GONNA BE REMOVED ON THE 5TH OF MARCH!
Omgomg, after 1 year of shit timing of going home. I'm gonna get back my freedom in 7 days time, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! :D
Freaking freaking happy happy :D
Can't stop typing this face out :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
7 days more, come on.. GO GO GO..
7 days more and i'm gonna hear..
BENJAMIN TAN JIN KAI, you are offically released from your fucking tagging. GO HOME ANYTIME YOU WANT NOW, NOBODY WILL HUANLO YOU ANYMORE, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..

Okayokay, gonna go sleep now. Although excited but i have to control or else my heart anytime might just burst out from super duper excess excitement :D
This is one of the best 2010 gift for me! :]
GOOD NIGHT PEEPS! :D

2010-02-23T00:50:00.003+08:00

Today morning had to rush to school for english MTV project. Was quite successful, but i was nervous throughout the whole presentation, lucky it's all over now :D After school, met up with Angela and Pekyee at Hougang Mall then wait for Marcus to come. Had lunch at Macdonald then went to my house for mahjong. Didn't play finished the whole round of mahjong because Angela and Pekyee had to go home. Went to Rivervale Plaza with Felix and Marcus to buy my dinner then went back home. Xiaoboy came to my house outside, chit chat and smoke for awhile then he went back already. Today, was a short day. But at the same time, i'm still contented. Because i get to see her, although our relationship didn't improved any further. But i'm starting to get used to the presence of her. Just hoping that one day she would notice that someone beside her really care for her, willing to be beside her no matter what happens. But from my observation i found out that she seemed to be not even a little interested in me. Which make me sad and moody at times. But i will try my best! To get to know her better and what i wished for is a start, a brand new start. I don't care what the ending would be, i just wished for a start.

So fast 23rd Febuary already, gonna know whether my tagging can be removed soon. I just hope for a miracle, although i know i breached so many times, but i just wished for a miracle.

Tomorrow, might be catching a movie with her. Maybe with a few more friends. But she dont seemed interested nor willing to go. Hais, i dont know why. Not gonna think any further, or else i cant stop thinking and i will go crazy if i keep thinking. Gonna go bath now and sleep. School's starting late 10.30am and ending early 1pm. Yeah! Happy! :D
TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY! :D

BYE PEEPS! :]

2010-02-22T00:09:00.004+08:00

Omg, so long since i last blogged again. Getting really lazyyyyy :D This year's Chinese New Year is like okayokay only. Nothing special and i didnt go many places to 拜年, my family side i only went to 2 places and a few of my friend's place too. Might be a essay long post today again :/

New Year Eve -
Got up early that day and clean up the whole house and finished cleaning up the whole house till later afternoon then went to Compass Point to buy stuffs to fill up the house for Chinese New Year. Late evening went over to cousin house to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday :D Then went home after that.

New Year & Valentine Day-
Woke up late that day i think, then went over to cousin house to gamble. Win a little then stayed over for dinner, at night went to Punggol Marina with Xiaoboy, Mark and Mengzhen. Later, Wenliang, Karen, Bogey, Priscilla, Jonathan, Felix and Qianyi came. Opened 2 bottle of Martell but i guess the quality wasnt really very good, because i didnt got drunk at all that day. Kinda enjoyed myself that day so i decided to freaking breach my tagging that day. Sang and drank all the way till 5am. Kept singing until my voice got hoarse already, but i really dont care that day because i'm really upset whenever i thought of myself celebrating this year's Valentine's Day in this kind of manner, really fucked up. So i sang and sang and sang. And we still got a little balanced there. In the end, only left with Xiaoboy, Mark and me. Took cab home and reached home around 5am plus.

Rest of the days after New year i dont really remember already. Only this 2 days i remembered the most.

17th Febuary 2010 - Marcus's Birthday
After school that day, went to Plaza Singapura and Angelina accompanied me. Motive there was to buy a birthday gift for Marcus. Walked around and went in this electronics shop, after quite some time then i decided to buy earphone for him. Rushed back to Sengkang and met up with Jialing and Jiali, then they were late -.- Saw Shihui there too, so we quickly took cab to E-Hub and went to buy birthday cake for Marcus. Jialing, Jiali, Shihui and me shared a cake and we quickly, went up Kbox and asked them to help keep the cake for us first. Everything was like so rush, because Marcus and co was on the way to E-hub and i didnt want him to know of all our plans. Then finally, they reached and we met up at the arcade and then proceed up to Kbox. Felix, Qianyi and Shihui didn't want to go, because Shihui dont sing and Felix says he got no not enough money or whatever -.- FELIX TAN, you spoiler =.= Nevermind, then we went in and sing. After quite sometime- Marcus, Jialing, Jiali, Pauline and me went out to smoke. Then on our way back to our room, Jiali, Jialing and me went to get the cake and about 1 month ago, i bought the 'Relighting Candles' and it was in Jialing's bag, all PLANNED :D Then faster got out the cake and light the candles, we kinda got problem lighting up the candles and it is diminishing, quickly got ready and call Pauline to ask her to pause the song and we went in. Sang birthday song for Marcus and there he goes. Blow the candles and the candles relighted! :D HAHAHAHAHA, i was like cant control and kept laughing. The cake was kinda big, so everyone had a little problem finishing the cake :/ Then we continued to sing till around 10pm and everyone went home from there.

And then recently, i just got to know this girl. At first i knew her at Hougang Plaza, at first i saw her and somehow something of her attracted me. I talked to her and i kept having this happy feeling whenever i talked to her. Then time and again whenever i saw her at Hougang Plaza and whenever i wanted to get her number. I wouldn't get the chance to get her number, because everytime she would tell me, 'I go down first, later then come up again' Then i always waited and waited but she never comes up. Then i would almost everyday go down, just to see whether she's there, so that i could get her number from her. At first my thinking was - We really got no fate :[ Until one day, we all went Hougang Mall's Macdonald for dinner and then i overheard her conversation with her friend saying that tomorrow, they would be playing Mahjong at her house. Then i said something like 'Tomorrow you all playing Mahjong ah?' then she said yes and asked whether we want to go a not. We agreed and then this is how i got her number :D After dinner we went to a block to slack and played poker cards x_x It's been like 2 years plus? Since i last slack and play poker cards at the void deck, haha. Then she went home like around 10-11pm plus i think. After that day, almost everyday we met up and i'm contented just to see her.

Today, i woke up quite late because friends and i played Mahjong till morning the night before. Woke up like 4 plus 5pm then sat infront of my computer like an idiot. Really bored and lazy. Then suddenly she called me and asked whether i want to play Mahjong a not, at my house. I said okay, but after awhile. Idea was off because Marcus didnt want to play. Went down Hougang to met up with her instead. Then we went to Suki Sushi at Hougang Plaza for dinner. Actually it was only me who is eating only lah :/ Then played few rounds of billiard and i noticed that she wasnt really in a good mood, then i was like - Hais, i also become no mood already. Either it's me thinking too much or it is the way it seemed. Lastly, went to the same void deck we played poker cards that day and slack - only Xiaoboy, Marcus and me. BREACHED again, this few days i had been breaching, breaching and breaching. I dont know why, just kept having the i-dont-want-to-go-home-so-early mood. But also jialat lah, supposingly my ACO told me not to breach anymore, because this month is my review month. Gonna know the result on the 23rd this month whether i can take out my tagging on 5th of March already but i still BREACH BREACH BREACH. Think of it now, no use saying those regretting shits also, i just hope that everything will be okay and whoever the fucking authority up there will understand that i FUCKING WORE MY TAGGING FOR 1 YEAR ALREADY, GIVE ME BACK MY FREEDOM LIKE OMG PLEASE?! Not like you tie me with this ugly black watch on my leg and i will obey you. Give me 3 months more and i will still continue to breach. Fuck this tagging seriously -.-

Alright, essay long as usual. Friends gonna say me again when they see -.- BYE PEEPS, gotta go bath then watch my show and sleep. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! :D

2010-02-09T01:20:00.008+08:00

Hey everyoneeeee :D Finally back to blogging, because i got really lazy for this past 1 week plus. Life was normal for me, still pondering over the same things day and night. Although i said i gave up, but my wound is still healing day by day. Nothing much to update about. 2 days more or you can say 1 day plus more till my court's date already, just hope that everything will be okay. Pay fine = everything will be okay :/ Dont pay fine = Fly back to RTC. Simple as that, but the problem is i dont know how much the fine would be. Few more days to Valentine's Day, my 2nd most favourite day, 1st is Christmas. No valentine's for me this year i guess, alone. Dont feel like joining friends for outing, because i think it will only make me more sad when i'm outside seeing pairs and pairs of couple together. Envy every couple out there that they will be able to celebrate this romantic day with their love ones. The only Valentine's Day i remembered was many years ago when i was still with my ex, P my first girlfriend. Other than that it's just another day. Actually, this year's Valentine's Day it's like not bad. Morning you get to collect all the Ang Pows and get to spend them at night for Valentine's Day! :D Sigh, where is my Valentine this year? Sound so weird to say this, lol. Maybe i will consider joining my friends to go out that day, maybe i will just emo at home, i dont know.. We will see.

Right, about a week ago, i went for reporting to my ACO. If everything goes smoothly then this month it's gonna be my review month for my tagging! :D I will know the result on the 23rd whether my tagging can be removed on the 3rd or 5th of March! Once tagging is off, means it's TON NIGHT! :D Oh yeah, it's been like 2 years plus ever since i last stayed out till the next morning. But i swear i'm gonna control, maybe just once in awhile :D

Been thinking of re-learning piano for this few days. Might consider joining my Physics teacher at Plaza Singapura to take up piano lesson or maybe get back to Rivervale Plaza to learn. Learning how to play the piano was one of my dream, but an unfulfilled dream. So, i'm gonna really think whether i want to start learning back again.

Alright, nothing much to say for now. Off to bed, there's still school tomorrow. GOOD NIGHT PEEPS! :]

2010-01-28T01:38:00.003+08:00

Late for school again, reached school at 10.30am when i'm supposed to reached at 9.15am. Freaking tired today, kept felling asleep in class and my respective subject teachers kept waking me up. Ended school at 3.15pm today. Took cabbed back to Sengkang with Becca. Met Marcus and Shihui at compass. Shihui went home, Marcus and i then went Hougang Plaza to meet Felix. Played number ball as usual. Meet up with Jialing and Jiali around 7pm plus and we went to sing k at Hougang Plaza's Kbox. Qianyi came around 8pm i think. We sang all the way till close to 11pm. And of course, i'm late today again. But i'm like fml __ i dont care about my tagging sometimes already. Went home after that and was expecting a scolding from my parents, instead they talked nicely to me. And my Dad's foot is getting worse, more swollen and the 2nd toe became a little blue-ish black already. Doctor says he have to be admitted to Tan Tock Seng tomorrow. One of my cousin is working there as a nurse and she will look after my Dad at the hospital tomorrow. I really hope that there wont be any bad news. I'm freaking worried for my Dad now. Gonna see what happens, still dont know how long would he need to be staying at the hospital, gonna get the info tomorrow and most probably staying at Tan Tock Seng to accompany my father. Told my parents about the letter regarding the court on 10th of Febuary and got scolding from them, as expected. Not that i'm not happy about it, it really was my fault this time, i got nobody to blame but myself.

So many things happening for this month. 2010 isnt a good year at all for my family. Freaking shag, am just worried about my Dad now. Gonna see how things go tomorrow. Off to bed.

2010-01-27T01:59:00.017+08:00

25th January -

Met Becca in the morning and went to school together. Short day, classes ended at 1pm because there wasnt A math lesson that day. Cabbed down to Hougang Plaza and met up with Felix and Marcus. Played L4D2 while waiting for them then went for lunch downstairs when they have reached. Played a few games of number ball and went to Hougang Mall for a while. Then back to Hougang Plaza after. Felix went off because he didnt want to join us for k. So, Marcus and me went up for k at Hougang Plaza's kbox. Some new package, $8 Nett till 11 Febuary i think. And we sang for 3 hours, from 6pm - 9pm, just both of us! :D Sang until my throat hurt and my voice changed a little. Went to play 3 games of pool and went back home. Was late again and Dad talked to me for a while. He told me his foot is kinda swollen and he will be going for check up the next day and talked about some personal topics and i felt like crying when Dad told me about some stuffs. At night, i browse through friends blog as usual and i saw someone fucking posted at my friend's tagboard using my name to say nonsense. I despise and sympathy people like him/her. Fucking no life or having a life like a dog, have to be so fucked up to use other people's name to say whatever they want. PARENTS NEVER GIVE YOU NAME? Must use other people's name? Go get some fucking life arsehole. Fucking fed up.

26th January -

Woke up at 8am today but went back to sleep and woke up at around 9am again. Faster went to bath and everything but i was late already. Got so screwed up with time that i screw up eveything. My hair looking a little weird today, clothes forgot to iron and stuffs. Chiong out of the house and took train to school. And only till i reached Potong Pasir or Boon Keng then did i found out that i forgot to bring my handphone out. SCREWED, OWNED, PWNED.. I cant live without my phone, so i trained back home to get my phone and went to Rivervale Plaza's taxi stand to wait for a cab. I waited for roughly 30 minutes under the damm fucking hot sun and sweating like some shit and 3 more people queuing infront of me. I got so fed up and decided not to go to school instead. Went to Rivervale Plaza's Macdonald to have my breakfast and called Marcus but it was Felix that picked up the phone. But in the end Felix and Marcus both came down. While waiting for them, i ate my breakfast, do my E-math homework, went up to the Rivervale Plaza's Cristofori Music School to listen to people play the piano. Omg, i really miss the 3 months when i was once a student there too. I really want to start learning how to play the piano again! But maybe not now. Went back to Macdonald again and they have not reached, listened to music and fell asleep eventually and got woken up by this guy that walked passed my table and accidently bang onto one of the chairs. Went out to smoke and after awhile, Felix and Marcus reached. Loiter around Rivervale Plaza and soon Shihui came. Went my house while waiting for my friend Angelina to get ready. Went Compass to meet Angelina and waited for Becca this time. Bus-ed to E-hub and waited for Xue Jun to come x_x Today seems to be a day of waiting. TOO MUCH WAITING :x Anyway, when everyone have reached, we bought the tickets for the show 'Tooth Fairy' the main actor is Dwayne Johnson, the guy known in WWE - THE ROCK :D

The show was freaking funny. I rate 4.5/5 for this show. You cant imagine a big man like Dwayne Johnson to act as a tooth fairy. The man who once appear in WWE now have become the funny and heart warming guy who played as a fairy. So, everyone out there.. It's definitely worth your time and money to watch this show.

And the thing today is the person beside me who has already watched this show once already, actually still laugh non-stop at the funny scences when it hasnt even showed yet, she was like i-already-know-what-will-happen-next-and-i-cant-help-it-but-LOL. Hahahaha.. and it's none other than Becca :D But the show was really funny lah, they way they talk and the reaction they give really made me laugh. I really dont mind watching a second time too, seriously.

After movies we went to have our dinner at Mr. Chicken. Mr. Emo suddenly visited me and ordered me to be emo immediately, LOL. No lah, didnt talk much and feeling a little weird. That is one of times when i will become Emo, when i'm not myself. But after a while it got better. Last location was bowling centre. Played 2 games of bowling and home sweet home. Reached home around 10.50pm. The moment i stepped into my house, Dad got furious and scolded me. And told me that school sms-ed him and informed him that i didnt go to school today. Told me that today he went for check up and the doctor says if his swollen foot still dont recovered by 2-3 days, he have to get admitted to hospital immediately, i think it's due to his diabetes. Sigh, i didnt know what to say and i kept quiet and he kept scolding me. Fml __ Sometimes i got so tired of my parents scoldings that i will just keep quiet and let them nag and scold all they want. When i went back to the room i sat on my bed and stoned there. Thinking of what my Dad told me just now. Telling me things that really upset me. It really made me upset and i kept having negative thoughts that my parents are having those old-age and sickness problems and they will leave me anytime soon. I really cannot control myself and i cried in my room. I know i cry a lot but i cant help it, cons of being a emotional guy. Although i always made my parents angry, worried, quarrel with them and stuffs but i really cannot imagine one day when they will not be around anymore. Really really upset. Sometimes i really wished that my parents aint that old already. I really need to find a day to SERIOUSLY reflect on my own fucking life.

2010-01-24T23:46:00.010+08:00

I dont remember much, but i'll try to recall as much as i remembered.

22th January -
Skipped the afternoon class again that day -.- Because in between there's a 2 hour break, cannot tahan so i went off :[ Went Plaza Singapura with Angelina since she's meeting her friend there and i was meeting Xiaoboy. So, went to Plaza Singapura's arcade for a few games then went down EQ house to look for Xiaofen. Depart with Angelina after Xiaoboy had reached and we took off to Orchard to meet his friend, Jacqueline. Went to Far East Plaza for awhile and cabbed to Paradiz Centre for billiard and pool then Ben, Qianhui and their friend came to find us for awhile. Then went for dinner at Plaza Singapura's food court and on our way to Plaza Singapura, saw Becca and her friends outside Cathay followed by arcade at Dhoby Ghaut mrt's Zone X after dinner. Met up with Becca and 3 of us - Xiaoboy, Becca and me took cab back home. Then at night Mahjong-ed with Bogey/Priscilla, Felix/Marcus and Weishan till 5am plus i think.

23th January -
Slept till 6pm plus that day. Stayed at home, since it's so late already. Actually wanted to watch movie but i only left with a few hours left, so dropped the idea. Met up with Felix and Marcus at Rivervale Plaza and soon Qianyi came, at around 8pm plus went for dinner and on the way home after dinner saw Angelina, Xiaofen and their friend at Rivervale Plaza's Mac. Back home, Mahjong-ed again ._. Mahjong players are - Felix/Marcus, Xiaopang, Josef and me. Played till moning again and when i was about to sleep it was already 7am plus, mum woke up already, so i asked her to wake me up at 11am no matter what, because i wanna go out.

24th January -
I indeed woke up at 11am, eyes feeling a little swollen due to the lack of sleep. Keep washing my face and dripping eyemo into my eyes. Feeling zombie-like, but felt better after 2 hours or so.
Felix and Marcus had to accompany their father to buy things for their little brother. So, i waited at home till 4pm plus. Should have slept longer -.- But NEVERMIND ._. Met up with Marcus and Shihui at Compass Point and we made our way to E-hub. Felix and Qianyi were already waiting for us there. Bought tickets for the 'LEGION', then pop corn and off we go~ As usual, solo-ed my SALTED pop corn alone.

This movie is not nice but it is okay. The storyline is simple yet has a deep meaning. Though they have shown quite a different storyline on how to present the apocalypse. But not to expect much of a thrill. For me, it did not really meet the viewers expectation.

Went to arcade after movies and we spent our time there for 2 hours ._. Ended the day with a dinner at PastaMania :D Cabbed back home with Qianyi and Shihui and reached home late, but weird is - CISCO didnt call and look for me today ._.

Time check: 12.54am

Gonna wait for 海派甜心 episode 13 to come out first. Watched already then sleep :D

Tomorrow going to sing k with Marcus and see who else want to go. ALRIGHT, YEAH MAN :D Like finally, happy happy :D Alright, gonna go bath and wait for 海派甜心 episode 13 to come out. BYE PEEPS! :]

2010-01-22T00:07:00.002+08:00

Nothing much happened today. School starts at 10.30am today but i reached school around 11.10am. AS USUAL, ALWAYS LATE :/ When i reached school, i then found out that my first lesson which is A Math, lesson is cancelled today :D Same goes to Friday and the next Monday. That means, Friday i can go to school later a bit and end school early on Monday, weeeee~ Ended school today at 3.15pm. Contacted Marcus and we planned to meet at Hougang Plaza first, since Felix is working so we cant go for k yet. On my way to Hougang, i fall asleep on the train and my head almost lean onto a lady's shoulder, was freaking tired and shag. When my head almost leaning onto the lady's shoulder, i woke up and just nice, Hougang station. Alight and went to Hougang Plaza to play L4D2 while waiting for Marcus and Bogey to come. Played number ball with Marcus and Bogey after they have reached. Felix came down later and he joined in. Damm sian, plan on going for k today is cancelled again. I KNEW IT T_T I knew we wont go for k today, my insinct is accurate :[ How i wished it wasnt :/ Went down for dinner at 8pm plus and went home around 9.30pm. Day just end like that, nothing much of a difference from any other day.

Probably meeting Xiaoboy tomorrow, close to 1 week since i last saw him. He wants to meet his 'new' friend', still thinking whether to go or not to go. Feeling a little weird, that i cant explain. Because i really dont know any of the 2 people that Xiaoboy will be meeting, i will feel uncomfortable and become very quiet, i wont be myself basically. Which i really hate that feeling.

I remembered, yesterday or the day before one of my teacher told me that i should go make more new friends, because i ever told my teacher about my character of hanging out with my old cliques, my anti-social behaviour and always not wanting to talk to new people around me. I just told her that this is a bad habit of mine for years but it's also my character. So what if i'm anti-social? I DONT CARE :D But parts of me are trying not to be anti-social ever since i came out from RTC. I try to talk to people who i dont really know, which is really not of my character in the past. But sometimes i can see people that finds me annoying instead or sometimes even entertaining me only. So, sometimes i think to myself, why must i act as if i'm not anti-social and let people think that i'm annoying instead? Well, whatever. To find friends and good friends are sometimes really hard. Maybe not for other people, but for me.

2010-01-21T00:52:00.005+08:00

Late for school today, went in Economics class and left like 20 minutes plus till class end. After Economics - Marcus, Cephas, Vivien, Angeline, Angelina, Yongjun and me went to eat, then we were there talking about the hot topic now - the born-to-be-guai-lan's blog, making himself look like a fool to the maximum siah, lol. Left school at 1pm plus. Skipped afternoon class today again - A Math. Bored, moodless so dont feel like going also. Yongjun asked me whether want to go play billiard and pool a not, so we left school and asked Angelina along. Cabbed to Paradiz Centre's K pool to play Billiard and Pool with Yongjun. Won most of the games, but that isnt the main point, the main point is we had fun :D After that, we went for dinner at Mad Jack, food was average there, Yongjun kept commenting that Angelina is old and blabla. She's like 21 this year but something not to be blame is Yongjun is a little boy :D He's freaking 16 this year, of course he can say Angelina and me old already, that nonsense kid, lol. Time passes very fast, 5pm plus 6 already. Left Mad Jack and i still dont feel going home yet, still so early x_x So, suggested on catching a movie. Yongjun wants to go home, so only left Angelina and me. Went to Cathay to buy the tickets for the show DAYBREAKER and what the hell, we bought the tickets 1 and a half hour before the show and we have to sit on the 3rd row from the screen. During the 1 and a half hour, we went to E games to play lan. Angelina played Dota and i played L4D2. End our lan gaming at around 7.25pm and got back to Cathay to catch our movie. For the first time i didnt buy pop corn to eat while watching a movie, kinda broke already actually. Feeling a little uncomfortable inside the cinema because i had to strain my head up to watch, since it's the 3rd row from the front. Show was a little gross, lots of blood and head dropping off and stuffs, NC16 show. Angelina kept holding both her hands on her mouth because she kept wanting to scream and stuffs, lol.. No comments on her actions seriously, i just kept wanting to smile when i see that want-to-scream-dont-want-to-scream face. Show ended around 9.30pm, to rate the show, i give - 3/5. Storyline was okayokay and the ending was stupid -.- Mrt-ed back with Angelina since she stays at Sengkang too. Didnt talk much to her actually, didnt know her that well yet and also because she's those quiet type, i guess. Well, reached home at 10.15pm. Not in a very good mood. Because whenever i reached home, i think of the court on 10th Febuary and i've not freaking told my parents about it yet. Maybe in this few days i will.

Tomorrow maybe going k with Felix and co. I wanna sing, i wanna sing, i wanna sing, i wanna sing, i wanna sing :/ But not confirm yet and i guess that it's is not of any high chances that we will be going, just a instinct of mine. Because Felix dont know what time he will end his work and Bogey and Marcus dont know want to go a not, blablabla.. sian x_x Alright, gonna listen to 1 more song - smoke 1 cigarette and OFF TO BED :] Good night PEEPS! :D

2010-01-17T23:46:00.003+08:00

This is one of the worst week i ever had. No money equals to no sense of secure. This week i'm like totally broke, having problems even with meals. But luckily i still manage to struggle through this week and tomorrow it's MONDAY again :D
Monday and Tuesday my school is having this school orientation for the new students enrolling for our school and i heard the vice-principal mentioning that, there will be approximately 160 new students for this January intake. And the seniors, which is us because we are the 2nd year of the 2 year couse students. So, we are considered as SENIORS -.- So, every senior have to helped out with the orientation's games and events and honest speaking, i so-hate-this-kind-of-events, Zz.. But no choice, for the sake of my attendance in result for my early release of my tagging. I WILL GO! T_T Monday and Tuesday is gonna be so busy for the teachers and the seniors, both days it will start at 9am and end latest 6pm. Long long long day :[

Currently waiting for 海派甜心 Episode 12 to come out. Gonna wait and after watching, if it's too late then i'm not gonna sleep already. I dont know why but i really dont feel like sleeping today. Feel like going to Serangoon CC to sing after my school but who can i ask to go with me? Sigh, Xiaoboy wont be free for this week till probaby this coming Saturday. So, WHO CAN I CALL TO GO SING WITH ME?! T_T
No plans for this week, well.. as usual - B.o.r.e.d :[

2010-01-15T01:03:00.011+08:00

12th January -
School ends early that day, actually Tuesday is the day of the week that my class ends the earliest.

Monday, Thursday & Friday - 4.30pm, Tuesday - 1pm, Wednesday - 3.15pm

I still prefer my last year's timetable :[ Anyway, end school that day. Went to compass point to wait for Xiaoboy and i freaking waited for him for 1 hour plus. Then took mrt to Potong Pasir to meet Felix and Marcus, went up the train again, Qian yi and Shi hui board the train at Serangoon or Boon Keng, i forgotten which -.- Then we headed to Somerset 313, Marcus brought Felix up to Republic the food court at the last floor. Qian yi, Shi hui, Xiaoboy and me went to this cake shop at basement 2. We didnt buy the already made cake, we bought this cake that we can decorate ourself then everyone was like having fun throwing the coloured rice or whatever you call that, LOL. Qian yi, made the wording Felix and Birthday and i only made the word - Happy, reason is because it is so hard to squeeze the the thing that made the word out from the tube x_x and the rest of the hearts and funny shaped stars were the works of Xiaoboy :/ Although the cake look a bit weird. But.. IT'S THE HEART THAT MATTERS, RIGHT?! :D

After we are done with the cake, we brought up the cake to the food court. We hid at one corner and lit the candles and walked to the table where Felix and Marcus were sitting at. He had his eyes covered when we walked over, i think it's Marcus's idea, lol. When he saw the cake, he gave the 'Wow' face, haha. Then we started singing the birthday song to him, i took a video of it but the video is gone, Zz.. So, Marcus and i went to borrowed plates from one of the stores there. As you can see we hated paper plates, hahahaha.. No lah, we didnt have any. Passed Felix the present i bought for him, ate the cake and ordered some dim sum to eat.

After that, we went to Orchard Central, Felix bought Jiali a birthday present there. Proceeded to Plaza Singapura, just nice because Jiali was there. Went up food court to look for her. Saw her and gave her a very shaky shake hand to wish her happy birthday, haha. Felix was talking to one of Jiali's friend and i walked around there and saw her. I walked half way towards her and suddenly remembered that i no longer can walk to her. I no longer fit into her picture anymore so i walked off. Left Plaza Singapura and was feeling a little emo, because seeing her just made my mind go all lost again, while walking to The Cathy to see if there's any show that we can watch, Felix asked me what happened to me, why suddenly so quiet. I just told him i'm tired. BUT NO, I WASNT. I was feeling sad, very very unhappy. But i suddenly thought of today's motive, it is to celebrate Felix's birthday and i shoved off the idea of being sad. No shows that fitted my timing x_x So, everyone have to sacrifice not catching a movie because of me. Felt a little guilty, so i told Felix to carry on while i can go home, but they insist in we-come-out-together, we-go-off-together. SO TOUCHED :D So, we went to arcade instead and really had fun. Not because i like to play arcade, not like any day i cant play the arcade. But because of us playing together :D Took cab back home with Shi hui and Xiaoboy. Although we seem to do not much that day, but i really enjoyed the day a lot and i hope the rest feel the same.

13th January -

Supposed to end school at 3.15pm, but i gave the afternoon class a miss to help celebrate Jiali's belated birthday. Met Felix and Qian yi at compass and we went to buy a birthday cake for Jiali and Xiaoboy came soon. Jiali came down compass after that too. Train down to Serangoon and met Pauline there then we went to Serangoon CC for k. After half an hour, Felix and i brought the birthday cake in and Jiali face was like 'o_o' LOL, kinda funny thinking back now. Then we started singing birthday song for her and continued to sing for 3 hours and went to the nearby coffeeshop to have our dinner after k, all of us ate 煮炒. After dinner, everyone went back home. On the bus home, Pauline took Xiaoboy's and my candid photo and i promise i will kill her if she post it anywhere in the internet, LOL. To Pauline - YOU BETTER DONT, or else i shall stalk you everyday and take many candids of yours and post it in my blog and facebook, LOL :x OKAY, RELAX.. I know after seeing this you will say you want to post it now :/ Hahahahahah..

A very short day, but it was all meant for Jiali :D

14th January -

Supposingly school should end at 4.30pm, but i didnt attend the afternoon class today because i went Braddell to report to my ACO. Went there and waited for like 30 minutes, before she came out. Went in and she chant her mantra again, LOL. And i talked to her about some of the stuffs happening to me now, relationships problem. Talked until i almost cried but i kept holding my tears. Then i mentioned to her about the me going to court on 10th of Febuary for my littering case -.- And she keep saying and saying until i just sit there and let her say. Then she told me, i wasnt supposed to kana anything within my tagging period then she continued saying 'How do you want me to help you get March released when you got this court case now?' And i keep repeating 'I dont know' But she said that luckily the court's date is at 10th of Febuary, before my review date which is at the end of Febuary. So, there might be chances that i can still can get released at March. But that also must include that my parents are able to pay the fine required on 10th of Febuary. Sigh.. I went to check at the internet just now. The maximum fine is $5000 and/or with CWO of minimum 12 hours. Really fucked up now, if my parents cant fork out the money, my ACO says that i will be recalling back to RTC. And it will be 36 months from the day i was back then sentenced to RTC, which means 18 months inside + 13 months tagging = 31 months. Means i have to sit another 5 more months and when i come out i still have to undergo tagging all over again which means i cant take my O levels this year and all my effort will go to waste, my future is gone. I'm freaking shag now, i dont know what to do. I havent told my parents about it yet, i dont know how to tell them, i dont know what will their reaction be, sigh.. My life is really fucked up now. Relationship problems and life problems is really killing me T_T

2010-01-10T22:54:00.005+08:00

Days ain't very good these few days. Well, few weeks ago i got fined for throwing a freaking cigarette butt again, my second time already. And yesterday i received a letter from NEA that says - 'You are required to attend Subordinate Court No. 14 on 10 Febuary 2010 at 10.00am to answer to the charge.' Sigh, freaking suay. I dont know whether, will this affect my tagging performances a not. My parents still dont know about this yet, gonna tell them later a bit. Dont know what will their reaction will be, sigh.. I guess 2010 isnt really that good for me after all. There's still many things that happened, it's just the 10th day of 2010 and so many shit things happened already, making me so moody. Dont know what punishment will the court give me, fine and corrective work order? Sigh, i hope the fine wont be too much or else if my parents cant fork out the money, i'm gonna go in again. NO, I DONT WANNA GO IN AGAIN. Life's really a bitch, ain't fair to me. I've already tried to change for the better already, so what is this now? Retribution?

Today woke up around 6pm plus, Marcus MSNed me asking me to go Kovan for billiard. So i ate, bath and prepared. When i reached Superbowl, it's already 9pm plus. Played 3 games of number ball and i went home already. Felix and Qianyi went home too and Marcus went Bliss to meet Xiaoboy. Sitting infront of my computer now, feeling a little lost. Lost without directions once again. School's starting tomorrow, nothing much to pack since it's the first day of school. I'm determined to study well this year, i wanna score well for my O levels. So i can further my studies, it's time to stop and think about my future already. Played for 19 years and i think it's more than enough. Time and again i kept telling myself that i must work hard for myself but i always gave up in the end. This year is my last chance already, i have no more time of my life to waste already. BUCK UP 牛奶 BUCK UP!

This coming Tuesday, gonna celebrate Felix's birthday. But i still dont know my school's timetable yet, dont know what time i will be dismissing from school that day. BUT, dont worry I WILL DEFINITELY GO CELEBRATE WITH YOU no matter what time :D Jiali's not coming with us, thought she would but she's spending her birthday with her friends instead. So, yeah.. Gotta sleep soon and wake up early for school tomorrow. Beddy and CHEC HERE I COME! :D

2010-01-08T04:52:00.008+08:00

Okay, i cannot remember for all 5 days what had happened. So..

6th January 2010 -
Woke up very early, 9am plus i wake up already. Due to my early sleep the previous night, i slept at around 12am, i still remembered. Didnt plan to go out, planned to watch the show i'm watching now - 斗牛要不要, dont say i'm slow BECAUSE I DONT WATCH 偶像剧, in the past.. So, now.. I'm just trying to catch up :/ So yah, wanted to stay home to watch my show for the whole day but Felix MSNed me in the afternoon, asking me whether want to come out a not, at first i really dont wanna come out, because i really felt like staying at home alone but i still went Kovan with him for billiard. Met up with Felix and Qianyi at Kovan and we went to play billiard. Until around 8pm plus, we stopped and went to the nearby coffee shop for dinner. Ordered Hor fun as usual, i remembered the lady who bought the Hor fun for me lost control of the tray and dropped a 1 dollar coin and Felix and i were like helping her search for the 1 dollar, LOL. I still told Felix - 'Wtf, buy food from them still need to help them find their 1 dollar siah.' LOL, finished our dinner and Xiaoboy, Pauline and Jialing came. When we were leaving for Superbowl again, i found the freaking 1 dollar like 1 metre away from the table we sat! WAHAHAHA, so i took the 1 dollar and returned to lady. I remembered she told me, '哈哈，如果是别人，他们就收了那一块了' Then i told her ' 虽然一快是不多，但是始终不是我的啊.' Which suddenly let me think of something - 有些东西不是我的，就始终不会是我的. This incident really let me think of and related to something of my current situation. I kept looking for the 1 dollar, never gave up. I finally found the 1 dollar with joy but in the end i still handed the 1 dollar to the person who should really owned it. But i had really wondered what would the situation become if i hold onto the 1 dollar and kept it to myself instead of handing the 1 dollar away. Holding onto my determination tightly and hadnt give up so easily. Whatever it is the situation is set and nothing can change it already. I believed in fate so much in the past till now but i believed more in oneself now, fate sometimes dont choose the path we will walk but oneself can choose the path we would like to walk, choices are made by us. Seriously, so many things that had happened recently really made me learn new things in life. Okay, so after we left the coffee shop, we went outside Superbowl's arcade and smoked first. Thinking of what had happened at the coffee shop. Eyes looking either infront or on the floor. I cant bear to look at her because i know i will lose control and cry if i look at her. Memories will just flash back. So i kept distracting myself. Went up to play a game of billiard with Xiaoboy after smoking, she came up too. I kept trying to faked that i'm happy, the smile on my face. Wanted to show her that i can still be happy even without her. But after awhile, she left and the laughter and smile left my face. Really felt like crying as i looked at her back while she walked away. But i controlled and continue to play billiard with Xiaoboy. And continued to act as if i'm happy, not wanting to let Xiaoboy know that i'm unhappy. After billiard i had to rush home because it's like 9.55pm or 10pm already. So, i took cab home because Xiaoboy said that he wanted to wait for his friend to transfer his money to him at Kovan. When i entered the cab, i wanted to turned back and look at her again but i said NO to myself. What if i looked at her and i cant control my tears? So i entered the cab and went back home.

7th January 2010 -
Short day, woke up at 7pm plus. My mother woke me up or else i think i will wake up later. My mother kept knocking on my door repeatingly and when i opened the door. My mother asked me whether i'm okay a not, she thought that something bad had happened to me, because usually i dont wake up so late. Still feeling a little tired, but i still woke up and sat infront of my computer and soon Xiaoboy came to my house. Bath and everything and went down Macdonald to find his friend Jie ling and her cousin. They didnt wanna tag along for dinner so Xiaoboy and i went up Kou fu for dinner and went back down to Macdonald to find his friend. Sat there, not talking much because i dont know them and most of the time sitting there listening to them talk and disturb each other like 2 stupid fool, LOL. Free show, why dont wanna watch? Hahahaha.. Xiaoboy introduced me as 牛奶 to her friends and for the hundred and thousand times people give the same freaking reaction. The 'WHAT?!' reaction, because people usually thinks of the boy band Energy - One of the band member - 牛奶. I know i'm not as handsome as he is or handsome at all but PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FACE and stop giving me the WHAT?! face please x_x Okay, i so regretted being first called 牛奶 in the first place till now. But for so long and like 3/4 of my friends called me by that name made me now, so i will feel a little uncomfortable if someone call me by my real name, i'm serious. But i'm sure when i get older and when i'm leading my working life. I still gotta use my real name, i guess. Not really possible to use this name 牛奶 for long. Like as if when i'm 60 years old and people will still call me 牛奶. I think by then i can be called as 老牛 already, LOL. LOL, i know i like to elaborate my post which is why my post always look so long, but i really cant make myself stop. I just wanna type out whatever i'm thinking :D Okay, so back to where i was. Before going home, i went to buy cigarette and some tibits for my itchy mouth at night when i'm watching my show, CIGARETTE IS VERY IMPORTANT, because it is what keeps me refreshed during the time in my room at night alone. Went back home and mum gave me a number and told me that this girl called me on my old number but when i called back it says that her phone is not on or something, maybe she's a hi card user and her phone got no more money or whatever -.- So, i messaged her. So curious what would she be. Watched my 斗牛要不要 after. Then at 3pm plus, supposed to sleep but in the end i cant sleep so planned to not sleep until later, going out later and later at 4pm, i still need to report to my ACO. ALRIGHT, gotta go continue watch my show. BYE PEEPS! :D

2010-01-03T05:37:00.002+08:00

Slept at around 12pm plus today. Reason i wanted to sleep late today is because i wanna wake up late. HOME CONFINEMENT, i cant go out. So, sleep late, wake up late :D To kill time. Woke up at 8pm plus and was feeling dizzy, maybe it's due to my irregular sleep for the past 2 weeks. Well, Dad came home around 9pm plus and gave me a letter from my school. It stated that i still have another 1 week more holiday to go -.- Which means, my school reopens on the 11th of Jan, 1 more week of thinking where to go, omg. Just when i started feeling excited about school and they tells me that i have 1 more week, desperate to go school x_x Anyway, i bought a new school bag yesterday, which i didnt posted at my previous post. A back pack bag! :D Bought it at Hougang Mall yesterday and Felix and Qianyi accompanied me :D Back to the present and yah.. I received the letter with disappointment. But not long after, my Mum called me and told me that someone call my previous number. I called back and it was a surprise, really a big surprise for me. It's Ms Angel, my previous school - St. Andrew's Secondary's teacher. She was my Sec 1 (First Year), Sec 1 (Second year) and Sec 2's English teacher. For people who dont know i really got a bad record at my old school. I retained Secondary 1 for 2 years, carried on to Secondary 2 and then Secondary 3 and retained 1 more year at Secondary 3 and during the retained year of my Secondary 3 i quitted school. Part of the reason was because the freaking DM of my school, kept asking me to cut my hair and my hair is my life. So, i disobeyed and do what i think was right at that time - Fuck care the DM. The other part of the reason was because i hated the school so much that i really wanted to leave that hell place ASAP. I skipped school like almost everyday. Even if i was at school, i will be seen sleeping in the library, canteen, classes whatever places that i can sleep at. So, yeah. I remembered my father coming down to school and 3 of us - The DM, my father and i went in to a conference room at the general office. The DM talked to my father about my current situation and i was staring in space. Suddenly, my DM asked me - 'So, Benjamin.. We are not forcing you on anything. This is your choice - then he passed me a piece of paper, on top it wrote whether i agree to leave the school willingly or something like that and then he continued : Is this what you wanted? I have talked to your father and now it's your choice.' I freaking snatch the paper off the paper and looked at it again and signed my name on the piece of paper and walked right out of the office. This is all i remembered, i was out of control. And back to the phone call, i called and this once so familiar voice spoke to me. She called me to wished me a happy new year, saying that she knew that i have came out of RTC on March but told me that she was busy so she didnt had the time to call me. This teacher of mine had a short story behind it, when i started leading astray in school when i was 13+ and as a teacher of mine. She talked me a lot, always trying to pull me back into the right track, she was the only teacher in my school that i respected and listened to. She became my god-sister when i was 14, she pinned high hopes on me, hoping that one day i would change for the better, but everyday i just got worst. She always called and checked up on me, we would go out for lunch and dinner sometimes, i really looked at her like my real blood sister. I always wished for a younger sister or an older sister. A younger sister to dote on or an older sister to talked to and there she is, like an older sister to me. I always seek for advices from her and pouring out my troubles to her. Until i quitted school and we never contacted, i really regretted a lot. As she called me, we talked on the phone for an hour i guessed, talking about my past school days, how naughty i was in school. It makes me really happy after so many sad things that had happened recently. I really had a deep-down-my-heart talk to her, explaining to her what had happened to me recently. She really brought off some sadness in my heart, giving me advices like she always did in the past. I really thank god sometimes that from time to time there is always someone out of a sudden, no matter who, that will be comforting me. After i hanged up the phone with her, i felt better and decided that life isnt that bad actually. It's how we looked at life sometimes, what we do and how we react to certain obstacles of life. Sometimes somethings when it is not meant to be, we just have to learn to let go. Letting go is not always a bad choice, letting go means letting something new to come in. To hold onto something so tight and not let go will only sometimes destroy yourself. I really learned a lot today. Jie, thanks a lot, for the past few years of my secondary school life and today, you really helped me a lot. If there isnt you, i cannot imagine what kind of person i would be today. Actually, today my real purpose of posting is to take this time to thank you. I know you have my blog url now and i want to tell you for one last time - Ms Angel Lee, JIE! I love you, as a sister. THANK YOU :]

2010-01-02T05:12:00.008+08:00

New Year Eve -
Woke up quite early that day, was excited to go buy the food for steamboat. Met up with Xiaooy, Marcus, Felix and Qianyi then we all went Rivervale Plaza's NTUC to buy the food for our night's steamboat. Bought off quite a number of things, had fun joking here and there. Xiaoboy, Marcus and Felix each paid me 10 bucks and i paid the rest. Everything was around 65 plus bucks. So, after that we all made our way to my house, everyone started to get busy preparing the food for the steamboat. Lixin and then Xiaopang came later, because he borrowed us the hotpot. I thought i had one but my mother told me that ours is spolit then i was like -.- Xiaoboy actually wanted to bring his, but ended up his father dont allow. So, no choice.. We borrowed the hotpot from Xiaopang and he stayed for the steamboat too. Started our steamboat at around 8pm. Had fun when we were having our steamboat and Felix kept eating the mushrooms he bought, LOL. Ended at 10pm and we were all freaking full and everyone was like half dead after that, lol. Everyone was like sittng at the living room, trying to digest our food. We were all sitting in this posture that made me think of it now of a pokemon character, SNORLAX! HAHAHAHA.. Then we decided to play blackjack to kill a bit of our time. From 10pm plus we played till around 12am plus. TV was on and channel 8 was showing some countdown party show, below the screen there were smses people sent to wish their friends and families a happy new year. So, i decided to send one as well. But, it didnt showed up, i guess too many people smsed to the show. But my message was -
'A NEW YEAR A NEW START, LET'S ALL WELCOME 2010! TO ALL THE PEEPS AT MY HOUSE, I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY NEW YEAR. AND AND AND, THANKS FOR COMING TO MY HOUSE TODAY! LOVE YOU GUYS! :D - Milk'
LOL, but it didnt appear on TV. Was like keep looking at my TV, waiting for my message to appear but it didnt, disappointed :[ So, here comes 2010. Was not really so happy about it, although it's a new year a new start. But so many things happened recently, so there's nothing that is worth being happy about, for now. So, we played blackjack till around 12am or 1am plus i think. All of us went out to smoke and came back in to help keep the utensils, plates, bowl and everything and i started washing all of them myself since they are my guests and i'm the owner. It took me around 1 hour or maybe even more to finish washing all of them and i swear this is the first time of my life washing so many things and while i was washing up, Felix rode Qianyi home. My mother gave us a bottle of Martell, as a gift for new year i guess, so after all the washing up. Felix, Marcus, Xiaopang, Lixin and me started drinking. Lixin had only 1 cup of Martell and then we guys played 5,10 in the beginning AS USUAL :/ Followed by this game 7 Up suggested by Felix. I kept drinking at that game 7 Up, was damm funny. So, with red faces x_x we decided to play mahjong. When started playing, Marcus started being crazy with abbreviatives then i started to play along too, was so damm funny. Lost a lot of money, but i kept talking to myself in my mind 'Got win, got lose'. Jiali, Jialing and Pauline came up my house while we were stll playing mahjong. After mahjong which is already morning, 7am plus. Met up with Xiaoboy and Lixin then all of us went to Rivervale Plaza for breakfast. At first was okay, but after awhile, my mood got really bad because i was thinking of a lot of things. After breakfast, we all went down and relax for awhile. Super crazy de Jiali kept reminding eveyone that her birthday is 11 days away. Soon, Felix and Marcus left. Then Xiaoboy and me made our way home too. Once i reached home, i sat infront of my com and stared at my com for quite some time. Telling myself that it's no use thinking so much, because so what if i think so much, nobody cares and it wont helped anything so just screw it. Off to bed around 8am plus.

New year -
Woke up around 11am plus. I only slept for 3 hours, not because i wanted to. Because i freaking had stomachache and it was freaking making my stomach so upset. After finishing my business at the toilet i found myself so awake that i cant sleep anymore -.- So, i sat infront of my computer, picked up my phone and saw her sms. My mind just went blank, i was stuck with words and suddenly i just seemed to be lost. I dont know what to do, what i can do. And we continued our conversation on MSN. I have a lot of questions and doubts about many things. But i believe, what had happened had happened. You left me in the dark for 7 days, although yes.. Maybe you can say that you dont have the courage to tell me but do you know how much tears i shed for you for this past 7 days because i dont know what is happening and i was lost. I can only think and guess. You meant so much to me, that i have to think through many things seriously because i really dont want to lose you. But that doesnt mean i had never thought of being with you. And what you did was, think that i will never ask you for a relationship and throw me aside and be with another guy. If after reading this you are angry at me, i cant say anything. Sorry to say that, but i really find myself fucking stupid to make myself in this fucking state and the ending result was this. All you told me was because you think that i will never want to ask you for a relationship and there's a better guy out there. Then let me ask you, 7 days ago which is on Christmas you were with that guy. How about 8 days ago on the Christmas Eve, when you saw my note, what was your reaction? You act as though you didnt see it at all. And you dare to say that i never planned to ask you for a relationship at all? YOU DID SEE MY EFFORT, BUT YOU STILL CHOSE TO WALK THE OTHER PATH JUST THE NEXT DAY. I didnt know a love for someone can be changed so easiler, until now. And now i also know that the effort of being serious to someone isnt that worthwhile at all. You made your decision to walk the other direction away from me and now i know it's time to walk the other direction away from you too. I no longer want to stand at the same spot. You really broke my heart, the heart that once belongs to 小白痴.

小白痴和大白痴的故事就在这里结束了, 但是我永远都不会忘记曾经你和我的点点滴滴. The worst thing in life is to see someone you love, love someone else.

2009-12-30T05:32:00.004+08:00

Was trying to recall what had happen for the past few days. But my mind seems blank, i really tried recalling what had happened but i really cant. I guess because for this past few days, my life had been sooooooo boring that my brain doesnt wants me to remember anything. Okay, school's gonna reopen next week. Might sound weird but i'm so damm freaking happy! :D Honest speaking, this is the worst school holiday i had ever had. I'm dying to go to school now, at least everyday i had something to do and not me thinking of where to go everyday. Fuck 2oo9, a year wasted. 2o10, awaiting for you to come with surprises! :D Gonna go buy a new school bag on Thursday or Friday. O level next year, omg. Whenever i think of this, i got so stressed up. So worried that i cannot do well, really have to buck up next year. I cant fool around like this year already. I wanna aim for 12-14 points :D So, i can get to a better course in the Polytechnic. Most probably one of the IT courses. Havent thought of a specific one yet.

Bored, this coming Satuday i have home confinement. For god sake, of course not from my parents. But from my ACO (After Care Officer), because i breached my tagging time on Christmas Eve and Christmas and you guys should know why i have breached my tagging time. Dammit, i dont know what the hell can i do at home this Saturday. School's gonna reopen and i got so lucky to kana home confinement now. But i'm somehow happy, because i could have gotten a warning letter instead, my ACO even mentioned if i breach my tagging again, she will give me a warning letter and then recall with no hesitiation, but i guess she's just too nice and gave me one last chance again.

Days had been so unhappy for me. But well, what can i expect? What can i say? I'm nobody, so what i can do now is just keep quiet. Life still have to go on, life still have to go on without you now. I cant and wont force you to stay beside me, because this aint gonna make anyone happy. The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesnt want to be held on to. But i'm sure you are happy with your life now, happy even without me. I really wished you will be.

Because i know i'm nobody, nobody to anyone.

2009-12-26T06:06:00.003+08:00

The Day Before Christmas Eve -
Wasn't planning to sleep that day, planned to meet up with Xiaoboy and Jiali at 12am but fell asleep on 9am plus, lol. Woke up 3pm plus and made my way to Somerset 313 to meet up with Jiali and he friend Siewhui. We went there to shop for presents, walked around but ended up empty handed because we couldn't find anything that we wanted. Swapped to Orchard Central, my first time there too. Saw many things that i wanted but i dont have the money to buy everything that i wanted, so yah.. Walked around and saw something that i think i can buy for as a present for her. Bought it and was thinking what should i put inside to make it more meaningful. Thought of an idea, so we went to this shop that is somehow like popular to buy some pen and coloured paper. Sometime later, Xiaoboy came. Left the place and smoked at the entrance of Orchard Central. Looking opposite of the Orchard Central and saw something like a lighted Christmas tree, with all the lights and lanterns on the trees surrounded and the Christmas music from the opposite shopping centre, made me suddenly so emo. I looked and got into a daze, thinking of so many things. Thinking of how i wished she were here. Thought of the many Christmas i had in my early teenage years, all the things that had happened before. I really like the Christmas atmosphere. After that Siewhui went back Sengkang - Jiali, Xiaoboy and me took the train to Plaza Singapura for our dinner at Swensens. I ate Chicken Baked Rice and i never got sicked of it :D After our dinner, went to the Zone-X arcade in the Dhoby Ghaut Mrt for 2 games of Jubeat and went back home later.

Christmas Eve -
Woke up around 1pm plus that day, if i never remembered wrongly. Called Felix and Xiaoboy to wake up that day. Met up around 4pm or 5pm plus with Xiaoboy and made our way to Kovan to meet Felix and his girlfriend Qianyi. Played number ball and soon Marcus came. Went Heartland Mall to buy something to finished up my Christmas present for her. Meet up with Joey and Sheryl or whatever her name is spelled as, lol. Then down for dinner at the coffee shop downstairs, i didnt ate anything because i was anxiously waiting for her text reply. Then we were discussing where to go, Xiaoboy kept asking us to go Powerhouse. Damm you Xiaoboy, I JUST DONT WANNA GO POWERHOUSE! :/ So, thought of going Punggol Marina, although i really admit that it's kinda boring but it's who you are going with. But in the end it ended up that she will not be going. So, at that time my mood is totally crushed, got so moodless and decided to just follow the crowd. Felix went home to change with Qianyi and Xiaoboy,Marcus and me went back to Superbowl for a round of billiard again. Seriously, damm this Christmas Eve, spending our time playing freaking small balls. 10pm plus - Xiaoboy left for Powerhouse and Marcus and i sat at the bowling centre of Superbowl, thoughts came running to my mind, because i had plans today but it is all gone. Waited for Felix to get ready and made our way to the pub at Yio Chu Kang named EightyEight. Waited for Tiffany,Shanqi and Josef and all of us went in. Table 1 - Josef,Shanqi and Tiffany and Table 2 - Felix, Qianyi, Marcus and me. Tiffany's father treated us with Martell, due to we were friends of her daughter. So, the game has started. Drank half a cup and slowly i kept finding people to 'tar' with me - Felix, Marcus, Josef, Shanqi and including Tiffany's father and Tiffany's uncle. Kept 1 shot drinking all, 1 cup after another - like nobody's business. Really was in a bad mood, after the martell left like 1/10 of it i got so drunked and fucked up, suddenly i felt the urge to vomit. Omg, i faster went out of the pub and walked a distance like a drunkard arsehole. Sat down on a ledge and vomitted non stop. I didnt ate a single shet that day and kept vomitting liquids. This is the first time of my entire life getting so drunk, i swear and it isnt comfortable at all. I kept vomitting until i felt like killing myself. After vomitting i got so upset and squatted there, i got so emotional break down that i cried and fell down followed by lying on the floor. At that moment of time i really dont wanna get up, i really cant control my tears and they kept flowing. Soon, Marcus came because i heard his anxious voice asking me what happened and helped me up and got me sitting on the ledge again. The constant asking me to get back to the pub because he was worried about me really made me kinda touched. But i really cant move, because i kept feeling like vomitting, i cant go in because i will still vomit anytime. And i cant control myself and cried and cried like a fucking big baby. I really hated myself doing that, but i really cant control. Marcus kept trying to pull me up and wanted me to get back to the pub, but insist on staying there, then he went in and came out few minutes later. He kept doing that and for a few times- Felix, Shanqi and i dont know who else came out too. But i knew Marcus came out the most to try to persuade me in but i kept saying no. I think for almost 1 hour i was outside alone, vomitting and crying until i got so exhausted that i just sat there and stare at the floor. My head was spinning and it hurt like fuck. 2am and the pub is closing, everyone came out and soon Xiaoboy took cab to the place where we were. He too was so freaking drunk, it was kinda funny to see someone drunk sometimes, lol. Took cab back home with Xiaoboy, while in the cab, i cant control myself and texted her asking where is she and asked her whether she wanna come find me. Reached home around 3am plus, head still spinning, eye lits seems to be so heavy, almost falling asleep but remembered that she is on her way and told myself that i cant fall asleep yet. Felix came and she reached my house around 4am plus with Jiali, Weikian and Pauline. Alone with her in my room and the rest in the living room and i dont know why. Still thinking whether i should still pass her the present a not, in the end i still passed her the present that i wanted to give her. she opened and beneath there was a note that i had never had the courage or confidence to tell her. But seeing her look and no answer from her, i know thats the end. We never talked about it and i didnt wanted to. Because i planned to do whatever i wanted to do, but not in this situation, not like this and not after i have cried so much and my head hurting like so shet. She, Jiali, Pauline and Weikian stayed at my house till 7 or 8am plus and all of them went back home. After they all went home, i got so many thoughts and doubts that is so unclear to me now. And i know all this cant carry on like this, maybe everything isnt meant to be.

What a Christmas Eve, that i will not forget for the rest of my life. I honestly, speaking from the bottom of my heart that this is the worst Christmas Eve - that i have ever ever ever gone through.

Christmas -
Woke up around 3pm or 4pm plus with Headaches. Met up soon with Xiaoboy, Joey, Felix, Qianyi, Marcus and Jiali. Went Rivervale Plaza for our dinner, then went to the back of Macdonald's to sit for awhile and made our way to Kovan to play billiard again. I got to a concusion that our Christmas Eve and Christmas were spent at Kovan playing billiard and number ball. DAMM THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS, it is so unforgettable spent and at the same time totally miserable. Played number ball till 12am and took cab home, after that everyone except Xiaoboy and Joey went up my house, cant play mahjong today because my Big brother is staying overnight at my house tonight so - Felix, Qianyi, Jiali and i played Donkey Donkey and soon Felix and Qianyi went off. Ordered Macdonald's as supper x_x, Felix came back to fetched Jiali and Marcus home and thats it for Christmas.

I SERIOUSLY WILL NEVER FORGET 2009'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WASNT ANY HAPPY FOR ME AT ALL THIS YEAR. 2010, PLEASE FASTER COME AND BRING ME A BETTER YEAR PLEASE, I BEG YOU X_X

Okay, this post is so freaking essay long. Confirm 101% guaranteed more than 500 words that i have to write for my school's essay and it took me like 1 hour plus close to 2 hours to type everything and i have smoked like 8 - 10 sticks already. ALRIGHT EVERYBODY, IT'S FREAKING 7.30AM NOW, GONNA CATCH SOME SLEEP. MAYBE, going to sing k later with Marcus and no idea who else is going. PEACE EVERYONE! :D

2009-12-21T04:05:00.003+08:00

Well well well, for these past few days. Has been very boring. But well, thats what you call life. Nowadays i wake up around 5pm plus, i think it's due to the time i slept bah. I don't know whether i can adapt back to a eariler sleeping time when school reopen a not, omg. I really don't want to stay awake till 7am in the morning and get ready for my school, lol. Christmas is round the corner, my favourite day of the year! :D But this year will be a sucky one, cause i have my fucking tagging, i cant ton for god sake. I really hate myself for not attending school regularly, or else i no longer have that darning watch on my leg since the 2nd of December. But whatever it is, i'm gonna be a good boy now, so that this freaking watch is gonna fuck off my leg on the 3rd of March. Just watched finished 海派甜心 ep8, a very nice show. And i'm so not tired now, but i really got nothing to do, so i'm gonna force myself to sleep now. And when i wake up tomorrow afternoon, i gotta think of somewhere to go again, damm this life x_x But first thing first, gym tomorrow with Xiaoboy and maybe Weijian ( If he's back is okay now :/ ). But after that, where can i go? Hougang Plaza? x_x Ahhhhhh, i dont know i dont know i dont know. Sometimes, i really want to find something to do, so i dont have to lead this meaningless life. I want to do so many things, but it always ended up me being lazy. I want to go learn back Piano, i want go get my motor or/and car license, i want to go learn cooking and many more. So many things for me to do, but it just seems that i have totally no motivation to do any of the things i want to do. And, school's gonna reopen, how am i going to do what i want. Everything's seems so rush to me now. Damm it, just go to bed and stop thinking. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE.

2009-12-16T04:13:00.005+08:00

Supposed to meet up Weijian and Xiaoboy at 4pm for gym but i woke up at 3.50pm today. But well, in the end we still made it to the gym :D Was tough, since it's my first time there, but i promised myself to train up a bit, being wanting to be fit a little or whatever it is, haha. Did triceps,biceps,chest,stomach by the time we finished it's around 5 plus 6pm, not bad. Next gym session is on this coming Thursday. After gym, we went Hougang, i forgot which block to eat roasted duck rice, aww.. was so nice, but my stomach hurt while i was eating, LOL. Cabbed down Hougang Plaza to meet Jialing, Jiali and their friend Yvonne i think. Next was billiard and pool again with Xiaoboy, damm you Xiaoboy.. Today is my day, i OWNED you BOY, LOL. Well, at least in the 2 games of billiard. But i still lost to him in pool in the race to 3. But i told him i'm gonna lose just $2 today and i really did. Because he only lose $2 yesterday :/ Well, short day.. Cabbed back home around 1o.o5pm today, meet Marcus,Weishan and Xiaopang at my house for 1 round of mahjong, lost $5 to Marcus today. And the day ended just like this today, ah damm.. Everyday is rather boring. Tomorrow gotta report to my ACO, 11.30am. Better faster go bath and sleep now :/

Okay, as requested from Ms Lee Jia Ling that she wants to see SAI at my blog. Here's your SAI.
SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI, SAI.

Okay, i want to add one last sentence. Jialing, you are so 白痴 that you really want to see SAI at my blog, 你果然是我的小白痴! 哈哈哈哈哈!

2009-12-15T04:11:00.004+08:00

Everything's back to normal now, we are the same as before. No words can describle how happy i am. I'm no longer emo again :D I cannot imagine myself become emo one day again, oh please i dont want to too :[ Let's see, today i woke up at 5pm plus, due to my oh-so-less sleep for the past few days, if it wasn't Xiaoboy, coming my house to wake me up i dont know i would sleep till what time, haha. Anyway, i dreamt of a weird dream. As you can see, i'm watching this tv series show - Supernatural (Season 1). For people who ever watched before, will know what show i'm talking about. I knew of this show when i was inside KBC, so.. Now here i'm watching it from Season 1 and planning to watched till it's Season 4. Back to topic, okay.. This dream is short and i find it rather strange (For me). It all started at Hougang Plaza, the place where the malay chicken rice is sold at. 4 person - Dean (Sam's brother, the guy from Supernatural), Jialing, 1 girl which i couldn't see her face and me. 4 of us were sitting at one of the tables there. Talking.. and suddenly Jialing's phone rang and she talked for a few seconds. After hanging the phone, she turned to the girl and said something and they say they have to leave to somewhere urgently and told us not to follow. So, i told Dean, 'Let's wait till they leave and follow them'. After watching Jialing and that girl left on a cab, we quickly waved for a second cab and followed them. Something happened on the cab, but i forgot what happened. After following them for a while, we lost their cab and got anxious. But we already followed them into somewhere (I can't describle it, because the memory of the place is unclear to me now) our cab drove into somewhere strange and stopped at a place which looked like a place where i find it freaking familar but i dont remember when i had seen it before, it's kinda HDB block scenario, we stopped just beside a 2 storey kind of HDB. Immediately Dean ran out of the cab and search for Jialing and that girl. I quickly paid the cab driver money and ran after him, only to find him missing too. Just then a girl dressed in a kind of cloak came out from under a metal square door on the floor, i dont know how the hell do you explain that, walked to me and asked me to follow her. I followed her down the stairs and suddenly, 'KNOCK KNOCK, NIUNAI! NIUNAI!, OI..' Then i woke up already, damm this Xiaoboy, I LOVED THIS KIND OF DREAM, omg.. How i wished i could continue this dream, damm it. I guessed i watched too much of Supernatural to actually dreamt of Dean, but it was cool. I pray that i can continue my tonight's dream from where i stopped,haha. So.. blabla.. Woke up and get myself ready, actually i'm supposed to get to the gym with Xiaoboy and Weijian today but damm the timing and everything. It was so rush and i havent bought my pants and shirt for the gym yet. So, gym session postponed to tomorrow, 4pm. Bathed and everything and made my way to compass to meet the one who i really missed a lot a lot a lot a lot for this past few days. Bought my shirts and shorts at compass. Soon.. Weijian, Cyril, Jiali and Weijian's friends came. Went to have our dinner at Yoshinoya and went to Hougang Plaza for billiard and pool. Damm to my shots, not my day today. Lost to Xiaoboy quite a lot, he's the big winner today! :D 12am plus, cabbed back home, dropped Jialing and Jiali at my house downstairs, thought they were coming up my house but forgotten that they have to go home early, so yah.. So sorry, have to make you girls go home from my house. Should have dropped you girls at your house first. Went back home, straight away i switched on my com and watched 海派甜心 episode 7. After that i continued watching Supernatural. 4.41am, gonna go bath and lie on bed continuing to watched my Supernatural till i fall asleep like i've been doing for this past few months, watching my show and try to sleep. It has become a habit for me, i guess. Alright, gonna go bath now..

2009-12-13T02:04:00.003+08:00

Nowadays, i dont know why am i so upset. Making myself so moody and emo. When she is still carrying on leading her life normally. This few days keep drinking with Xiaoboy, at this moment of time i'm thinking, i should stop. There's no point in keep drinking and making myself upset, when obviously no one will go care about what happen to me, people have their own lives to carry on too. It's not like the end of the world. I can still be myself, i can still survive alone, like i always do. Like i had been doing all my life. Alone is nothing. Why grumble about it, it's no big deal. I'm sure i can overcome it. I dont know why we will become like this, but seriously, from what i've seen, you can lead your life happily without me and from this i should be like you, carry on with my life. I wish you all the best and i know you can find someone out there who will treat you better 101% more than i do. You deserve better, girl. Lead your life happily like you always do, forget that you once know me, i'm just your friend now. Just a normal friend. Everyone wants someone that can dote on them, give them the extra concern, give them the feeling that when you are with your friends you can't get. And i know i can't give you that.

所以我知道你一定能找到一个能爱你全心全意的人，而不是像我这样。永远都不敢拿起勇气来跟你在一起的人。所以爱你才要放弃你，让你去找一个可以比我还爱你的人。

I wish you all the best, i will never forget i once so love you, although we have never been together but in my heart i will always remember how sweet you were, how your smile unknowingly made my heart smile too. I will never forget your everything and everything..

2009-12-11T02:23:00.004+08:00

Life is shit, i feel that my life is messed up. I'm so fucking frustrated about myself and everything now. I dont understand, in fact i dont understand many things. My life is so fucked up now, sometimes i really dont know what is my purpose living in this world. This meaningless world. Some people must be laughing at me, happy about how fucked up my life now is. I dont give a damm seriously. I really feel like banging my head to the wall, i cant control my thoughts nor could i control my feelings now. Once again, i feel the same loneliness i felt when i was young. The fucked up loneliness feeling i used to keep having when i was young, like nobody in this world is on my side. Everyone is standing so far so far, like i'm alone in this whole universe. This fucking feeling is overtaking me. I REALLY HATE THIS FEELING. Why do i everyday have to search for the meaning of my life, when all the while i cant find it at all. Why do i always have to say NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME when i NEVER TELL ANYONE HOW I FEEL. BUT THATS ME, I DONT LIKE TO, SO WHAT'S THE BIG FUCK NOT TELLING ANYONE. SO WHAT IF EVERYONE THINKS I HAVE ATTITUDE PROBLEM NOW, SO WHAT EVERYONE THINKS I'M CRAZY NOW. I really dont give a fuck now. Whenever i want to find someone to talk to, i can find no one who really can seriously sit down and really listen to me. Everyone thinks that i'm always just joking, like a fool. I really cannot express my full thoughts now, the more i type the more lost i feel now. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL THE ONLY ME FEELING, damm all this shit, nbcb.

可能只是我痴心妄想吧，你跟本从来没喜欢过我。只是我自己欺骗自己，你只是不要让我伤心而配合我的吧。我明白了。

2009-12-08T05:42:00.002+08:00

Woah, it's been months since i last blogged. Lost my interest to blog few months ago. But now I'm BACK! :D Alright, today i woke up at 1pm plus i think, soon XiaoBoy came my house.. blabla at home and prepare myself to go Hougang Plaza. Actually wanted to meet Marcus at Rivervale Plaza but XiaoBoy's friends are already at Hougang Plaza, so we faster made our way there. First billiard game with XiaoBoy i lost. Freaking Terry, fouled ad fouled and pushed our points all the way to 100 plus points, LOL. Was damm funny lah.. Then not long Felicia Mei came, made our way to Hougang Mall, XiaoBoy and i went in Future Men shop to look at clothes first, saw 1 T-Shirt i like, but the size on the shelf was XL, so i went to asked whether is there a M size. Few minutes later, the shop lady came to me and say 'Sorry, this is the smallest size we have.'. HAHAHAH, i gave XiaoBoy one face and whispered softly, smallest size XL! HAHAHAH :x Then too bad, no new shirt today :[ Went to Kopitiam to have our dinner. After finishing our dinner, Jialing called and meet up with Jialing,Jiali and Marcus. Proceed to Hougang Plaza again, BILLIARD AND POOL AGAIN :/ 2nd round billiard with XiaoBoy, I WON! :D Yeah man, XiaoBoy you are my 手将败将, wahahahah! :/ Next is pool, [MILK VS XIAOBOY] race to 3. People no need to guess ler, the result is 3-0 and.. Milk 3 - XiaoBoy 0 Muhahahahahah :D Then went to take my altered jeans at Hougang Ave 1, tmd! My watch spoil, it showed 8pm plus, when i reached the shop, CLOSED ALREADY. Dulan sial, because the shop closes at 9pm, BUT.. actually it was my watch, it's already 9pm plus already -.- No choice, tomorrow then go take bah, freaking XiaoBoy.. tomorrow you better go take the jeans with me or else i will skin you alive, LOL. Last, met up with Felix and Kovan then made our way back to my house, slack for awhile then everyone went back at 12am plus i think. Day just ended like this, WHAT A DAY! x_x