Life is shit, i feel that my life is messed up. I'm so fucking frustrated about myself and everything now. I dont understand, in fact i dont understand many things. My life is so fucked up now, sometimes i really dont know what is my purpose living in this world. This meaningless world. Some people must be laughing at me, happy about how fucked up my life now is. I dont give a damm seriously. I really feel like banging my head to the wall, i cant control my thoughts nor could i control my feelings now. Once again, i feel the same loneliness i felt when i was young. The fucked up loneliness feeling i used to keep having when i was young, like nobody in this world is on my side. Everyone is standing so far so far, like i'm alone in this whole universe. This fucking feeling is overtaking me. I REALLY HATE THIS FEELING. Why do i everyday have to search for the meaning of my life, when all the while i cant find it at all. Why do i always have to say NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME when i NEVER TELL ANYONE HOW I FEEL. BUT THATS ME, I DONT LIKE TO, SO WHAT'S THE BIG FUCK NOT TELLING ANYONE. SO WHAT IF EVERYONE THINKS I HAVE ATTITUDE PROBLEM NOW, SO WHAT EVERYONE THINKS I'M CRAZY NOW. I really dont give a fuck now. Whenever i want to find someone to talk to, i can find no one who really can seriously sit down and really listen to me. Everyone thinks that i'm always just joking, like a fool. I really cannot express my full thoughts now, the more i type the more lost i feel now. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL THE ONLY ME FEELING, damm all this shit, nbcb.

可能只是我痴心妄想吧，你跟本从来没喜欢过我。只是我自己欺骗自己，你只是不要让我伤心而配合我的吧。我明白了。